Make Plans and God Laughs
Our trip to Alaska was set. Hiking boots had been bought and broken in. I wanted to show the boys (my two grandsons) a different kind of beauty. A raw beauty, which I don’t think any of us had seen before. Temperatures 60 degrees high and 40 degrees low – rain every day. Two weeks before this trip my neck began to hurt but I didn’t dare tell anyone because I didn’t want to hear them tell me not to hike. I had massage after massage and kept going back and forth to the chiropractor, it did no good. Coincidently the day my chiropractor said “you really can’t go hiking on rocky terrain with that neck” my son called that night (not knowing what the chiropractor said) and said he just read the itinerary and it looked very exhausting. He was worried that the boys would have the responsibility of taking care of me. I didn’t argue. Deep in my heart I was worried too. I kept asking myself “Could I do it? Could I hike every day?” Even though I had trained I doubted it sincerely. So, we switched heads and outfits and went to the island of Kona. All I can say is… What was I thinking? Rain, cold, mud? No thank you! Sun, pool, ocean, yes! By the way the beauty in Kona isn’t bad either.
My grandsons and I had the best time! We swam, we snorkeled, we ate, we played rummy cube and we did nothing. 180 degrees different from hiking in Alaska. It was very hard for me to get it through my head that these kids playing on the lawn aren’t my kids anymore. These children are not even my kids’ kids. They are some younger couples 8 and10 year old, doing cartwheels and singing along with the band. That was so very long ago and yet it seemed like it was only a minute ago. Alex and Gideon, my 22year old, twin grandsons wanted to hear all about life as I was growing up. They wanted to hear about my mom and dad and what it was like when I was young (in the dark ages). We had no trouble keeping the conversation going at all times. They are funny and smart. Bottom line I adore them and a fabulous time was had by all three of us.
I had a lot of time to think on this trip. I wondered what Bob and I would be doing here? I could picture us on the golf course and us having dinner. I missed being us! This was my first trip without him since he became sick. Because of the boys, it was fine. Bob’s daughter came to visit him while I was away so, between her, her brother Michael and our wonderful Patrick (caregiver) I felt he was well taken care of. But I kept thinking, what if Bob wasn’t sick, and what if we could enjoy these years together? I do have all these wonderful memories, of our trips together so I cannot be greedy. We had so many fun and exciting years and for that I am so grateful.
If I am to live into my nineties and I believe I will, I must be resilient and find a new life to excite me, that will be meaningful and helpful to others. This was a temporary fix, albeit a great one. Now I must turn my head around once more, and face my future.
To be continued…